THE PNC IS COMING TO MY LITTLE TOWN...........
I'm all excited about the PNC that is coming to my little town, tomorrow, in fact. I'm going to everything, it won't be coming this way for another 40 yrs. So I don't want to miss out on anything. I don't get to go to these things anymore. I was GSR for my homegroup & got to go to alot of assemblies, & conferences then. I miss going. I love the workshops, & the panels. I learn so much from them. Then too, I get to see people who have moved to other parts. I love the food too, of course. There is so much. I will write later & tell you all about it. I wrote about the Sister Bea Women's Retreat. After I got home I heard about a woman I know who killed herself by jumping in the river, I was so upset about that, that I wrote about it after the Sister Bea post. I don't think anyone has read it, or I'm just not getting any comments on it. That thing about Victoria took precedence over my Sister Bea post. I'll just say, I always take something away from those things. Retreats, conferences, assemblies, they get me fired up. Coming back from the retreat I was, but I was also very hard on myself. I kept thinking, I have so much to learn, so much to do, I'm not far enough along. Then I realize what a wonderful opportunity I have here. Don't mess this up with your negative thinking. It does seem overwhelming at times, but then I have to go back to the cliches, keep it simple, one day at a time, take baby steps, this too shall pass, easy does it. I first thot those were so trite, & corny. Boy, they've saved my ass a number of times, I get back to the basics Ok, I'll post next week sometime. Keep on keepin' on.
Labels: back to basics, clidhes, opportunity, PNC, RETREAT
ONE OF OURS..........
I'm feeling kinda let down, I guess it's cuz reality hits me in the face. I got home from the retreat & found out a woman I know killed herself by jumping in the river. She had such a hard life, & couldn't quit drinking. I tried to help her in the past, but if they're not willing to help themselves, there's not much you can do. It's so sad, I hate this disease! What it does to people. She was on meds too, for mental illness, & got messed up on those, partly from drinking, partly not taking them as prescribed. What a hard life she had! Nobody should go thru what she had to endure. Sometimes I felt so helpless with her. She is in a better place now, no more pain, nobody can hurt her now. I am in a way, relieved for her. Her name is Victoria, say a prayer for her, would you?
SISTER BEA RETREAT...........
I had a really good time at the retreat, boy, those women work hard. Sister Bea was dynamite. She is 72 yrs. old & has the energy of a 2 yr. old, she just never stops. She had just gotten back from England, & the day after did this retreat. She used the BB the whole time. The retreat was on action, & getting back to basics. She broke the 1st, 2nd, & 3rd steps into increments. They were more in depth, & specific. I realize now, I didn't do those steps thorough enough. No wonder I've been having trouble with my 4th step. And there was a hand out on Key Words, & on God, how he shows himself off thru us. As soon as I find my hand outs, I will share them with you. I met some pretty cool women, & saw some that had moved, & I hadn't seen them since. That was nice. We went to Mt. Vernon, Wa. it's on a big farm, it is so beautiful! The place was huge. We went to the chappol sun. morning, & that was very special, for us all. There wasn't the usual service or anything like that. We each picked a chair to sit in, & there was a written prayer on each of them. Mine was very fitting to what I have been going thru. it said, "I your God, will wipe away every tear from your eyes, for the former things have passed away". We also wrote a letter to God, & put it in a God box, earlier, & we shared what we had written. They say, it takes about a month, to take everything in. You take in so much in just two days, it takes awhile to internalize it. I hope they are right.
Our sponsor was unable to go, & this was our (the other sponsee) first time to this place. Neither one of us has any sense of direction, but you know what? We made it there without much trouble at all, & we made good time.
Sister Bea was funny, & humble enough to share her weakknesses, & character defects, she was down to earth in sharing them. She is a classy lady. I only hope I can a have a fraction of what she has. A lot of it seemed to go over my head, cuz of not knowing what to expect next, not knowing the ropes, I'm sure I will get more out of it next time I go. I would recommend her retreats, or any retreats, for that matter. I will share more in my next post. For some reason I'm feeling reality now, & am not dealing well with it.
Thank you Lush, for your comment on my last post, I feel like you're a good friend, too. I appreciate your kind comments. I am hard on myself. Like right now I'm beating myself up for not being further along. I want it all, & I want it now. Sister Bea talked about light AA, & extreme AA, I want extreme. Or as my sponsor says, I want the whole enchelada! That's what I want. I'm feeling anxious cuz I don't. So I have to remember, iti's progress, not perfection, it's the journey, not the destination. And it's an action program. I have to do the work.
What A GIFT..........
I am so excited! I'm going on another trip, for the week end. It's the Sister Bea Retreat for women. There are several of us going. Most for their third & fourth time. Sister Bea is a nun in recovery, & I hear she glows with spirituality. It is on the west coast next to the sound. There will be a lot of fun, learning, & spirituality. Just what the dr. ordered for Sharon!
I don't know if I told you of my friend, who went back out. She's back in now, hooray! It was a close call, she was in critical care for three days. The dr's. didn't know why she didn't die, or a have a stroke, or become a wet brain. She is in the late late stage of alcoholism, & if she goes out again, one of those things wll happen for sure. I am so grateful she's back. She's a binge drinker, she gets about six mos. dry, then she's back out again. I hate that it's her, but it shows me how insidious this disease is, & how it progresses. I tend to forget, until something like this happens. I am so grateful to be sober, alive, & well. I have my problems, but, I have it so good! I am so grateful for this program! What a gift!
I will tell you about my retreat when I get back.
RECOVERY..........
Lushgurl described what I've been going thru. For me, I think I went back out one too many times. I haven't drank for 15 yrs. I went to prescription drugs instead, like that wasn't my disease at work. The mind of an alcoholic. I did learn to respect alcohol, it beat me to a pulp, I knew I couldn't drink again, or I would die. So pills wouldn't hurt me, makes no sense hu? The mind of an alcoholic is cunning, baffling, & powerful. Anyway, I've been wrestling with complacency. I think I don't trust myself, or God, cuz of the relapses. But I am working my steps, reading the BB, staying in contact with my sponsor, I guess I miss that enthusiasm I had in my first year. I disappointed myself, God, & others so many times. But you know what one lady said to me? She said, 'but you keep coming back, Sharon. You persevere. That's true, I do. And I have gratitude for my sobriety, my recovery! I'm excited about it, inside. I love recovery, & I love writing, & talking about all things connected to spirituality. I love the challenge of change, tho I must admit, I fight it sometimes. So, that is when I let go & let God. I had a God shot when I read the part in the BB, where it says, we quit fighting anything, or anyone. When we fight, we run into collision with anything, or anyone. There was the answer to my problems, one of many. That keeps happening, it's a God thing. When I pick up the literature of AA, or go to a meeting, or talk with someone, I find the solution. I get it with my blogger friends too. It's incredible! I love it. Thanks for being here for me.
WHAT'S IN MY DAY?
I just got home from house sitting. I was able to do a lot of work on my 4th step, & start over reading my BB. One thing I noticed, was that I hadn't highlighted alot of God stuff, whick I did this time. I think I've been angry at God for a long time. What with my brother's & mother's death, & I was so sick, & near death myself for a time. I realize now, He spared my life. Don't have the answers on my mom & brother tho. I don't believe that what it says in the BB about nothing happening by mistake, or there is a reason for everything, what with all the violence in the world, that, to me is the biggest mistake there is, & what reason could there be for it?! What reason could there be for my brother dying so young of alcoholism? Makes no sense!
On a lighter note, I bought a bunch more flowers today, & got them planted. It looks real pretty in front of my apt. I have 2 big pots & 5 all sizes. Three of them are full of different kinds of cool looking hens & chickens, the rest are flowers. Hopefully I will be taking a computer class & learn how to design my blog, & put pictures on it, then I can show you my garden. I also have some flowers on both sides of my porch, & some underneath my front window. I love to watch them grow. I like dead heading too. It's all so therapeutic.
I need to get back on my exercise program, haven't been since before I visited my sister.
Hey, guess what? The PNC is going to be here in my little town this year. I'm so excited about it! We are very fortunate indeed to have it in our little town. Not much else to write about at this time, it's getting to be my bedtime. I've missed you all. Well, there is more to write about,but I've written enough for now.
BACK AGAIN...........
I've been house sitting for a week, no access to a computer! I could hardly stand it! I'll write more when I get settled back in again. It hasn't been that long since I got home from my trip to Portland. I'll be in touch.
DIGGING IN...........
I started out the day going to one of my fav meetings, the women's meeting, this morning. We read the 6th step. Boy, they don't leave anything uncovered. One of the women talked about that, & how brilliant those people were, I agree. I did my reading, & meditation. I planted the rest of my flowers when I got home. I planted my pots yesterday, & the ground today. They look so pretty, they're my babies, besides Riley, my cat. It feels good to finish it. By the way Lushgurl, your garden is beautiful, it helped give me inspiration. Thanks.
Now there's the 4th step, which I'm going to work on today, Meg said I had work to do, & she's right. There are 3 of us in that meeting that are working on our 4th step, & we all have procrastinated, so we're going to help each other out, by encouraging each other, it works. I know I can't hurry thru it, & that's what I want to do. I haven't been able to do it fast enough, so I procrastinate...any excuse. No, I'm digging in. Thanks Meg, for pushing me on the 4th step. I'm codependent enough I don't want to let anyone down, so that helps. I don't want to let my sponsor down either, or me, for that matter.
Life is good! Keep on keeping on.
VACATION............
I had a wonderful time with my sis. We got to spend alot more time together, usually she has to work quite abit, but didn't this time. We went to a concert first thing, it was very intertaining. We hung out alot, by her pool, going out for lattes, shopping. We went to the beach for three days, & met my two aunts there, had a blast. We bought three crabs, cracked them, & had toasted crab & cheese sandwiches, oh, it was good. One of my aunts is in her seventees, she told us alot about our family. That was fun, & interesting. I learned there are alot of alcoholics in my family. There was a day that wouldn't have been ok, today it is, it's part of why I am here now, enjoying my sis, my aunts, my friends, my life, & that's a beautiful thing. That is why I am who I am today, & that is ok! The ocean was spectaculor! When I am looking upon the ocean, I really get a power greater than myself! It is so grand. I ate very well while I was there, we barbecued one nite, & there were always delicious meals. I got to have homemade scones, with strawberries, & whip crean, boy those were good. Didn't get to go to any meetings, I missed that. I did go to an AA store, & bought some books, & different things there. I love shopping there, I always spend too much money, but that's ok, look at what I get? You know, I wouldn't have been able to spend two wks. with my sis, if I weren't sober, & had the program. I just wouldn't have. I owe so much to my higher power, & AA. I wouldn't have the life, or the relationships I have today.
So now I'm back, & it was really nice to walk into a meeting. My friends gave me a big welcome back hug, I felt so welcomed. It is a wonderful feeling. I didn't do any writing, or work on my fourth step, I took a vacation from all that. And now it's time to get back to work. I find I have to gradually get back into it, I'm anxious to work on my garden too. I'm late this year. The last three years, there's been beautiful flowers out front by now. That's about it for this post. Hope to hear from you all. One more thing, I wouldn't have got to go on any vacation if it weren't for the program. I have gained so much, besides. I think I am learning to be a better person, & to pick better people today, to have relationships with. True, I didn't pick my sis, but she is such a beautiful person, who just happens to be a part of my original family. I am so blessed with the people in my liife, that includes you out in blogworld. Thank you for being here for me.
