FELLOW TRAVELER

WINTER BLUES.......

I don't know what is going on with me. I haven't had a good nite's sleep for a couple months now. So, I sleep in late, & I don't like that, I get up, & feel like the day is half over. It almost is, it gets dark so early. I'm going to see my dr. about either putting me on a different anti depressent, or giving me something extra thru the winter months. I get more depressed during the winter. I haven't been taking any sleep aids, I wanted to get off of them, but I'm going to have to get back on my trazadone, if it helps me sleep, then I'll take it. Other than getting no sleep, & it being winter, things are fine. I try to remember to be grateful, cuz I really am, I'm am truly blessed. For one, I'm sober, I'm alive, I have a lovely sister who loves me, I have good friends who love me, & I love them. My life is good, there really is nothing to complain about. It's up to me to make the best of it. I'm lazy tho, & have to work at things, that's what the program is for, to help me live on life's terms, to help me have a qaulity life. It's progress, not perfection. I am learning this stuff, a little at a time, baby steps. Learning to want what I have, to appreciate that, & where I'm at, I have come far. I owe that to my HP, the program of AA, the fellowship, my family, friends, & my willingness.

It has been snowing for weeks. I can handle that, am used to it by now. What I have a hard time with is the gloomy days. Well, I just need to know spring will be here before too long. In the meantime, I need to accept that it is winter, & adjust to that fact. Wish I did winter sports, but I have no desire to be out in the cold. So, there's other things I can do. I can putz around my apart., visit friends, write, go to meetings, visit the club. Have any suggestions? I need to get some hobbies. I used to, don't know why I'm not into them now. I also sponsor, & I love it! I care about my sponsee, she teaches me too, & helps me to remember where I came from. She also helps me get into the solution, & stay steps, that's what I want for her. It's very rewarding to see them grow, & be a part of that.

Well, I feel better since posting. I haven't journaled for a long time, I blog instead, but I think I will start journaling again. I don't know why I quit. I've journaled forever, even in my drinking/drugging career, & I know it helped keep me from going completely insane, & over the edge. I continued in early sobriety, & somewhere along the line I quit. I think it was when I was in the depths of my depression, I quit doing everything. I don't know where I'd be, probably dead, if not for my family, & friends, who made me get out of my apt., made me go to meetings, called me, came over, helped me clean my apt. made me eat. This depression I'm in now is not even close to as dibilitating as that one time, that was due to deaths in my family, & a failed relationship, which was abusive. But I still fearing going there, it happens gradually, & before you know it, you're in hell.

I have to get ready for a meeting. I look forward to them. I look forward to fellowshipping as well. I especially like the AA meetings, as apposed to recovery meetings, there is more unity in the AA meetings, & therefore more spiritual. I need to do a 4th step on the recovery meetings. They regressed from AA to recovery meetings, because of the addicts coming in, & disregarding the singleness of purpose, which is breaking, I believe 3 traditions. But I must cease fighting, & I'm tired of getting attacked for bringing this matter up. It amazes me that there are people that have frome 14, to 23 yrs. that don't know about AA history, or the traditions, & have a hand in making recovery meetings out of AA meetings. The newcomers aren't getting educated. I believe it is up to the AA members who have been around awhile, to educate the newcomer. If they don't, AA turns into recovery meetings, & you don't have the unity. Ok, I've said my piece, I'm very passionate about this, but seems like I'm alone on this matter. But you see, I owe my life to AA, & the program, & I owe my life changing to them too, so I am ever grateful, & will support the principles of the program, which is the steps, & the traditions.

You all have a good one, & thanks for your support. really.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 2:57 PM