FELLOW TRAVELER

BACK ON TRACK........

I feel better today. I stayed up late last nite, therefor, slept in very late again. Rather than let that get me down, & beat up on myself, I got some housework done, then took a shower. I feel so much better, being productive. Another thing I've really let get to me, is the treatment people, & addicts coming in to AA meetings, & sharing about drug addiction, even at closed meetings. I'm letting go of that, I have to for my serenity. A friend said to guide them to the Alano Club meetings. They have recovery meetings there, where you can share about alcoholism, & drug addictions, so I'm going to start announcing that. The Club gets alot of newcomers, & the way he put it, is that those meetings are good for newcomers who are one step from hell, they need these type of meetings. The alcoholic needs AA meetings, too. So, I found a solution, I hope. I am very passionate about this, I feel I have to be one of the ones to protect alcoholics anonymous, to make sure it's here for present, & future alcoholics. Perhaps I've gotten compulsive about it. If that's the case, I'm not helping, or carrying the message. Please don't get me wrong. I care about, & have compassion for the addict, they are not hearing the message they need to hear in an AA meeting. I will try not to mention this again. People are probably tired of hearing about it. The face of AA is changing, & that's a shame. I wouldn't talk about it so much, if it didn't keep happening, we are being bombarded. I know there are alot of dually addicted people, I am one, myself. Alcohol tho, is my primary problem. Alcohol did something for me drugs didn't do, it made me feel like I was ok, I'd come home. Alcohol doesn't lead me to drugs, it leads me to more alcohol. There's a difference there, I think. I'm just speaking for myself tho. So, I'm more an alcoholic, than an addict. I got off drugs with a dr's, help, & stayed off. Alcohol wasn't that way. I couldn't quit drinking, till I came into AA, & even then, it took some relapses, & time in the program. I had to do everything that was suggested, I had to find a HP too. I know it sounds like I'm putting the addict down, I'm not, I want them to get the help they need, & that would be in NA, & recovery meetings. Shoot me if you want. There are some people here, who would like to, I've been a thorn in their side. They don't want to hear the truth, they don't want to hear about the traditions, or the singleness of purpose. Too bad.

My sponsor is starting a step study meeting for women, sun. nite will be the first nite of it. I am looking forward to this. There's a good group of women going. We met last wed, to get it started. It will help me to get more in depth with the steps, & I'll get good feedback, & different takes on the steps. I like that. We're commited for about a year. I'm not very good at makiing commitments, so that's another good thing about it.

Well, we're back on the first step this month, & it's good to be reminded of my powerlessness, & unmanagability. That is something that comes up in different areas of my life. Yes, I have quit drinking, that is 100%. But I must work on my behavior, my thinking, old belief systems, self destructiveness, selfishness, pride, all of that, I could go on, the list is long. I have come along ways, but I have still a ways to go, always will, I never quit learning, growing, changing. Well, I do when I get stagnant, lazy, bored, complacent, or when I lose my humility, or think I know all, & become unteachable. Which, I go there from time to time, & when I get miserable enough, I get back into action. I've been there the last couple of months. Funny, how long it took for me to recognize it.

I'm on my way to a meeting, that will pick me up. Hope you all are doing well. Thank you for your loving support, & thanks for not shooting me lol.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 5:14 PM