I'M BACK...........
I'm back from visiting my sister. I had such a good time. I'll write more later, just wanted to let everyone know I'm back. I wasn't always able to get to a computer, so I decided not to blog while there, besides, I kept pretty busy. We were able to spend more time together, which was very cool. I have a wonderful sister. I missed you all.
SKIPPING AROUND..........
I'm leaving mon. morning to visit my baby sis, who lives about 700 mi. away, in a different state. I go see her twice a year. I am excited about it. She lives in the city, so there's lots of places to go, & things to do, I live in a small town. We spend quality time together, & have heart to heart talks, too. Tho she has a computer in 'my room', I may not be blogging for about 2 wks, I don't know. We are all there is left in our family, & don't take that for granted. My greatest fear is that something should happen to her, but I try not to think in that way. Years ago, her & I drank & drugged together, & we were not that close. She's not in the program, but she very seldom drinks now. Since I've gotten sober, we've repaired our relationship, & are very close today. She went thru a few yrs. of intensive therapy, & has matured so much. She's a lovely person today. I treasure our relationship.
I haven't been able to think of anything to post about, other than what I just did. I guess I could tell, & it's true, how grateful I've been feeling lately. I've had another psychic change, I can tell. I'm more positive, I have dreams again, & believe in myself more now. In turn I've gone from letting life happen to me, to taking control of my life, by setting goals. I'm going to go to school next fall. That's a big one for me. I'm excited about it, & I know I can do it. I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but didn't think I could. I thot I had too much brain damage. LOL. Brain damage, or no, I'm going. I'm going to take some computer classes, so I'll be fixing up my blog, for one thing. Maybe I'll take a photography class, learn more about my digital camera. There are so many things to learn, & I've been holding myself back. Well, no more. I will let you know how it's going, as I go along. I would, someday, not too far away, like to have a home business. I don't know what doing, God will let me know. I've got no more time to waste, to start LIVING! I'm realizing I have friends around me that accept me for who I am today, & that's a beautiful thing. I want to let them know, often, that I appreciate, & love them.
By circumstances, my brother dying, the failed relationship, my mom dying, then my aunt dying, my passion left me, well, it didn't leave me, it went into hiding, I guess. I'm getting it back, little by little, & I'm hanging onto it for dear life. What is life without passsion? Pretty boring, & useless, that's what.
I've been fooling around with my 4th step, so I'm starting over, & going to do it right this time. It's not that I'm afraid to get honest. For me, it's sitting down long enough, & staying focused to do all that writing. I want to skip over it, I have a hard time taking the time to be specific, it's tedious to me. I don't have a hard time with facing my character defects, or owning my part, I want to, & move on to the next step. I'm excited about my journey of recovery, & am willing to go to any lengths.
I realize I've been skipping around, that's what I do, skip around, avoid, be general, I've got to get a handle on it. Hope you all haven't had too difficult time following this post.
Keep on Keeping on.
"WOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!"
I had a great week end. I spent one day with an old friend in the program that I don't get to spend much time with. She's such a sweetheart, I love her. Then I spent a couple of days with a new friend, we have the same sponsor, & we're discovering we have a lot in common. Today, she asked me to help her with her 4th step, it's her first time. I was honored to, & I learned from it, I'm working on mine, too. For some reason, I've been putting mine off, & not following directions, tho I have gotten quite a bit of it done, still, I think I need to go over it again, So, by helping her, it inspires me to work on mine. You see how that works? Oh, by the way, I'm over the blues. I didn't even have them the whole day, which is a change. Used to be, I would have them the whole week, & I'd carry it over into suffering, & martydom. Boy, I don't want to go thru that again!
I feel more at peace these days, I feel more loving toward my fellow man. You know, my new friend & I were talking about our lives in general, & came to the conclusion alcoholics & addicts are very tough people. We've experienced more in our drinking careers, than most people ever will in their lifetimes, not to mention the pain of self destruction, & destruction to others. We get a chance to right our wrongs, to learn from our mistakes. We know what it is like to be out of society, & get the chance to be in society again, but this time, without the games. We get to be real. We know what it means to be blessed, to be given grace.
We are people that have been, & still are on a helluva ride. We will come to our death skidding, saying "WooHoo, what a ride!"
That is way cool! Keep on Keepin' on!
EVERY DAY THINGS...........
I'm feeling pretty blue today. I have too much time on my hands, & I get bored, & lazy. I hate that! So, every so often I have to stir things up, then am sorry I did. I really don't want chaos, or drama in my life today, but I create it from time to time, cuz I'm undisciplined. Sobriety is hard work, & I don't always want to do the work. Or, I don't want to go to the grocery store, I hate grocery shopping! The every day things get mundane sometimes, & I rebel. You know where that gets me. Nowhere, or in deep shit. Today is one of those days. I have errands to run, & I need to keep working on my 4th step. I'm also doing some work on childhood issues, the both of them get a little overwhelming sometimes. I guess now would be a good time to do a gratitude list. Ok, I am grateful for:
My Higher Power
My sister
My sisters & brothers in recovery
Riley, my cat
AA
That I have a home
That I have transportation
My health
Thet I have choices, & I 'get to' today
That I'm even functioning today
That I am sober!
I have a garden
I have memories that make me rich today
That I have my computer
That I have entertainment
I have my books
That I have time on my hands, to do with, whatever I want, it's my choice
Hallaluja!!! I can mean that right here, right now
I feel better, I am blessed. I have recovery, one day at a time
Keep on keepin on!
