PUSHED ASIDE
Where do I start? People are kinda pissin' me off. Last nite I went to see the volunteer at the Alano Club and this guy was there who talked nonstop and telling sexual jokes I didn't like. Wouldn't let anyone else get in a word edgewise. I even told him I didn't want to hear his jokes, he told them anyway.I felt 'pushed aside'.
Today I got put off three times from this guy who cuts my hair regularly, and we had agreed on a time, three times. I think I'll just have someone else do it. I feel 'pushed aside', I hate that! What do you mean feel, I WAS pushed aside. I'm easygoing by nature, and I think I'm going to have to change that. Oh, this reminds me, these are boundry issues. How much is enough? I also feel disrespected by both men. MEN!! I know, I know.
I'm getting ready for a trip to Portland (I wanted to get my hair cut before I left) Oh well, I'll get it done in Portland, I have someone there too who cuts my hair. Anyway, I'm excited about my trip. I'm seeing my sister. We're going to her beachouse in Long Beach. That'll be fun. I'm taking my BB, I'll get a little reading done. I enjoy the drive too, I love going somewhere. Especially if there's a destination.
If these things are the worse things that happen to me, I'm lucky, I know that. There are many things I am grateful for, I try not to get frustrated for too long.
I'm going to the Club tonite for the BB Study, haven't been to that meeting for awhile now, it's a good meeting. I feel at home. Have a good one. Sharon
I FORGOT TO BE GRATEFUL
I wrote earlier about depression, I was depressed today. I have tools to get me out of depression and I didn't use them. I had a couple of real scary things happen to me. Later, I remembered that I forgot to be grateful, because I started FEELING grateful, and I am. I'm grateful I have an income, I'm grateful I have a place to live, and ofcourse I'm grateful for my health, and my friends, and my dear sister. My day goes so much better when I'm grateful. I gave in to depression today, so I got something to be depressed about, hopefully it will straighten itself out. I got really sick too, I had to go to the walk in clinic. I just knew I had cancer, or had had a stroke. That's my catastraphic thinking in play. I think I'm ok, the other blood tests have to come in, I'll know tomorrow. I see what happens to me when I'm not grateful. Have a good one
I can't seem to get over this depression. To be honest, I'm not really trying. Oh, I did a little housework, and that made me feel better, but I'm still lethargic. I haven't tried exercising, that would help. I have a bit of agora phobia, and I stay indoors alot, I go out only when I have to, and sometimes not even then. I don't want to get dressed, I can't decide what to wear, I can't go out looking like this. I'm wearing an old worn sundress. What the hell, I'm going to go out. But you see, I do that too, I go out to escape, actually I do go out. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I'll try and write some sense next time. Does this make sense? Sharon ps I do this alot, I'll get over this, I'll be ok. Think I'll go to a meeting tonite. That always helps.
Today I have been feeding my depression. Depression loves me to sprawl on the couch and think about it. It loves me to ignore my housework, my BB study, my meetings. I've been doing all that, I missed a meeting I regularly go to. My depresstion loves me to ignore everything else and love it, pay close attention to it. Well, I'm going to do what it hates. That is to get my housework done, exercise, eat something good for me, write about it, and call someone, I'm going to ignore my depression. Oh yes, and it loves for me to be resentful, I'll do a 4th or 10th step on that. Maybe I'll write tonite and let you know how I do, I can't stand this depression any longer, I'm starting to wallow, poor me, poor me, poor me a drink. You're not going to get your way depression! I feel a little better already, now I must start moving. Hope your day goes well, my friends. Sharon
LEARNING
I don't know about this blogging. I'm a private person, so I really don't know what to blog about that I want anyone and everyone to read. I'll start out with my day, which was good, but for one thing. I got stood up and I didn't take it well at all. But then when I calmed down I came to the conclusion that me, being an alcoholic makes mountains out of molehills. It's no big deal. I made it a big deal by reacting. In my drinking/drugging career I reacted to everything. Everybody else was right, and I was wrong, most of the time. The other times everybody was wrong and I was right. I don't do that as much today, that's progress. I haven't been bloodied up in a long while, that's progress. So I live and learn the principles of the AA program, slowly, I might add. Usually I have to do the same thing several times before I get it, but at least I get it..... eventually.
I am so grateful for the friends I have in the program. We help each other grow spiritually. We have genuine love and respect for one another, always. I'm forunate indeed and honored to have these people in my life. We laugh alot too, we are not a glum lot. It's a good mix. Your comments are welcomed. How'd I do?
Have a good one....Sharon
