I 'GET TO'.............
I don't know if I wrote about this before, but I am so grateful for the things I 'get to do'! My days are more & more filled with things I get to do, that I used to think of as a bother, then I heard that I 'get to do' things in a meeting. It changed my perspective. Our disease is a matter of perspective. What a difference that one thing said made in my attitude, my life! When I catch myself saying I 'have' to do something, I have a tool now, I can use, & start over. So many tools I've learned in AA. What a blessing! Have a good one
HOOLA HOOP........
I was shown just recently, by my own doing, that I need to stay in my own hoola hoop. Sometimes the codependent me thinks she knows what others are about, & what is best for them. I learned early on to 'look for the hidden message, meaning, what's REALLY happening', & I get on a roll. I've put people off, & rightfully so. And sometimes it's because 'I'm being misunderstood, which sometimes is true, sometimes not. Whatever the case I need to remember to stay in my hoola hoop!
Have a good one.
WOMEN FRIENDS.....
A friend of mine is in the hospital. I tood a card signed by some women to her at the hospital, & you know, for the first time, I saw the insecure little girl, thinking maybe nobody cared. She's always been 'tough', & it was a blessing to me, that she showed that other side of her. She has spent her whole life taking care of others, & now she needs cared for. I am honored to be in her process, & help in anyway I can. She's not so unlike me. Scared, & insecure, tho not too many people know that about her. We've known each other for years, & it's been just the last few months we''ve become close. That is so special. I'm getting to love the women in the program, & making more friends than ever, I think, because, for the first time I'm not afraid to show them I care. The tough ones don't put me off so much anymore, & the fragile ones don't either, I care for them all. That's a beautiful thing. Have a good one.
I AM GRATEFUL.........
I am so thankful for the AA program, & the fellowship. Especially true friends who love me, & care for me enough that they let me know when I'm doing good, & when I'm not doing so good. They lovingly call me on my bullshit, which is my disease taking control. I am so thankful for the wise people who see me & my disease. Where would I be if it weren't for those people, who happen to be real, & true friends. I like pats on the back, but undeserved pats can kill me. I think we call that superficial, I don't want the friends who pat me on the back,no matter what, when sometimes, I need to be told when I'm screwing up, hurting myself, or others. My disease is cunning,baffling, & powerful. I don't always see that. I need friends in the program to help keep me on the spiritual path. I try to not get defensive, & know where they are coming from. Growing up is sometimes painful, embarrassing, & humbling. Therein comes willingness, & being teachable. I hope to always have that, & not get too comfortable, for change is uncomfortable. I am grateful. Have a good one.
Keep my fingers off the keyboard.....& my mouth shut!
Well, I did it again! I wind up lecturing, & I sure don't mean to. Or I do other's inventory. When will I learn to stay in my own hoola hoop? That, ofcourse puts people off. I was talking about change, how we don't like it. We'd rather stay comfortable, & that's dangerous. I can't stand to be stuck in comfortable, I start going backwards, & don't realize it till I already have. It's 1 step forward & 2 back. That's what I did. I used to have so much fear, & insecurities. I still have them, but I've gone thru alot of them. I was telling a friend about this, & it was taken wrong. It's my approach, I need to learn to communicate more efficiently, it's so difficult at times! I feel sometimes I should keep my mouth shut, & keep my fingers off the keyboard. You know what? I love alcoholics, but sometimes I don't like them at all! Have a good one.
Keep my fingers off the keyboard.....& my mouth shut!
Well, I did it again! I wind up lecturing, & I sure don't mean to. Or I do other's inventory. When will I learn to stay in my own hoola hoop? That, ofcourse puts people off. I was talking about change, how we don't like it. We'd rather stay comfortable, & that's dangerous. I can't stand to be stuck in comfortable, I start going backwards, & don't realize it till I already have. It's 1 step forward & 2 back. That's what I did. I used to have so much fear, & insecurities. I still have them, but I've gone thru alot of them. I was telling a friend about this, & it was taken wrong. It's my approach, I need to learn to communicate more efficiently, it's so difficult at times! I feel sometimes I should keep my mouth shut, & keep my fingers off the keyboard. You know what? I love alcoholics, but sometimes I don't like them at all! Have a good one.
HEY, THAT'S PROGRESS......
I have been unable to sit still long enough to blog, or focus on a topic. My A.D.D. has been playing havoc with me. I don't feel bad or anything like that, I've just been real scattered, & future tripping. Like now, I thot of all the things I need to be doing, so I don't have the time to sit still & write, & then there's tomorrow. I have a bunch of things going on tomorrow. So, I am doing this now, that's progress.
I went off my meds for about 2 wks. I started getting more depressed, my A.D.D. has kicked in, & I feel that fear of everything, so that brings on the paranoia, & supiciousness. I started thinking I didn't really need them, well, I found out I do. I especially was convinced of it after I started back on them. What a difference! But you know something else that has helped? I started, at the suggestion of a grand sponsor, a God Box. I haven't had one for a long time. I wrote my fears & put them in the GodBox. The next day a miracle happened concerning something I've been fearful of, my fears are lifted. God's Will, not mine. It works.
The longer I stay sober, the busier my days get, & that's a good thing. I have alot of time on my hands, before I had too much, now it seems there's not enough time to get everything done. My sponsor is going to help me make out a schedule. ADD's need coaches, & as an alcoholic, I need a sponsor, they're actually the same thing. In other words, I need help, from working my steps, coping with life, to making out schedules. If my ADD gets too out of control, or my depression takes over, I need help cleaning house, I have in the past. It's been quite awhile tho. Things are improving, thanks to the unity of the fellowship, the program, & my higher power. Many of my troubles are self inflicted, I'm getting less comfortable with that, hey, that's progress!
You have a good one
