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I KEEP WRITING MY STORY......

Boy I've been on a roll, in my posting. There for awhile I was kinda depressed because I was getting very few comments. Then a friend said, does your blog help you? Who do you write them for? Once I realized I was writing for myself, & that it does help me, I've been on a roll. And guess what? I've been getting more comments. So, see how that works? Thank you Tod.

We were sharing last nite at the meeting about having a conscience. Some were saying they didn't have a conscience when they were drinking. I pondered that, & what I've come to believe is that I had an unmerciful conscience that I was running from, & drinking at. My conscience is why I had so much guilt, & shame, & remorse about treating others badly, hurting them, lying, stealing, from them. Then I would go into hiding, I couldn't face them. I'm talking especially about my family...mom, dad, sister, & brother, other members too. I drank, & drugged more & more, & it worked for along time, as long as I could keep it up. But it got to the point where it didn't work anymore. I couldn't get drunk or high anymore, & I couldn't stand living in my skin, I couldn't run & hide any longer, so I was at the jumping off point, I was to either drink to the bitter end, & die, or quit, get sober. I believe between God & my consceince, I was able to quit just long enough to get some clarity, & reach out for help. What a mess I was in, & I had to start cleaning up my wreckage right away, it couldn't be put off. It took me a few years to get any length of time, I relapsed several times. I got a loving sponsor who was also hard as nails, I got 8 yrs. working with her. I'll tell you about my next relapse another time. I had a tough road to go, my sobriety was not easy! The wreckage of my past, & life kept putting obstacles in front of me. It has taken some time to accept & deal with my past, & life on lifes' terms. There is nothing now, that could make me drink, nothing worth drinking over. Nothing bad has ever happened because I got sober, & I am grateful. You know the saying, wherever you go, there you are. I am getting more comfortable in my skin, I have friends today that are awesome, they are true friends, they're there for me, & I them. My conscience has some mercy today, most of the time, there are times it's unrelenting, & I pay attention. I remember always saying I was sorry, I got to where I was apolojiziing for being alive, that's how I felt. Not today. Today I make true amends, & it's not every time I turn around. I can breathe! For me, it got different, then it got worse, then it got real, then it got real different, then it got better. Sobriety is all worth the pain, cause there is happy joyous & free. Some get that right away, I didn't, & that's ok, it's all been worth it, it keeps getting better, yes, there are growing pains, but I come out on the other side. Well, I think I'm rambling now, hope I don't sound like I'm preaching. I just keep writing my story, I named it Sharon's Journey. How about that? You keep writing yours, cause they inspire me to go on, & stay on this journey. Oh something else that is awesome. My family & friends trust me today, what a trip that is! You have a good one.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 2:27 PM