FELLOW TRAVELER

DOING WHAT'S IN FRONT OF ME....

Do you do this? I have time in a day that I could get alot done. I get my morning routine done, you know, brush my teeth, make my bed, take my pills, check my email, & blogsites, then I take a shower. All's good, I still have plenty of time to get alot more done. That time in the afternoon, usually starting at noon (sometimes I go to a noon meeting, sometimes I don't) is where the problem lies. I've got all this time, & that's great. Trouble is, I can't decide what to do, that 'do what's in front of you works when it comes to my morning routine, they just have to be done on a daily basis. The afternoon stuff, well, I don't know where to start. I could transplant a plant, I could do some work on my 4th step, I could go visit the neighbor lady, who lives alone, I could run errands, that need attention, I could call the women in the program, I could read the BB, or one of my other great books. I know, do the next right thing, but they're all right things. Oh yea, & I could go exercise, & while I'm at it, why not run my errands, do some shopping? So I either sit & think about, while I'm chain smoking, or I get stuck on my computer, like I am now. I love being on my computer. I love to smoke too, & think. Or I go from one thing to another, starting doing one thing, & wind up doing something entirely different, & the first thing didn't get done. Help. Discipline, that's it isn't it? I hate to say it, but this alcoholic is undisciiplened. Can anyone relate? It seems I keep myself from doing things I would enjoy. Why is that? I would love to read a good book, or transplant some plants, or visit a friend. I think everything has to have a purpose, or be useful in some way. Maybe I'm too dicsiplined, & rigid. Maybe that's it. Be useful in whatever I do, it should have a reason, on & on. Shoulda Coulda Woulda. Is that it? Oh, but here I am in my head, rather than doing the next right thing. Any help on this one?
You all have a good week end! I'll be busy the whole week end, so I won't have time to do this stuff. I still have time I could get a few of these things done before the meeting tonite. So I'm signing off! Wait a minute, before I sign off, I wanted to say a little bit about the anger. I don't want you to think I'm going around angry all the time, I'm not, I'm just acknowledging that I do still have anger, I used to be soooo angry at God, all the time, I'm not anymore. I do get angry at Him, but less so. I'm still angry at myself tho, & I haven't forgiven myself for some things I did & said to my family, esp. my mom. I need to let go of that, I know, but I don't know how. Maybe I'm still punishing myself, I'm wasting my energy on that. Anger is not a motivator anymore. Love is. So, here I go.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 2:53 PM