ANGER.....
I started out posting, & not long after I finished it, & published it, I realized that I have been blaming men for all my problems, & directing most of my anger at them. This is so unfair. For one thing, they don't desereve all my anger, for another, they're only part of the problem. I'm the problem. I get angry at injustice, I get angry at the government, I get angry when my boundaries are being crossed, or I, or someone I love is being treated with disrespect. That's healthy anger. It lets me know when something isn't right. My sponsor gave me a book on dealing with anger, & in that book, (unlike the BB) it says that anger is a God given emotion. We can't wish it away. The problem is when we repress that anger, or lash out, or react in any negative manner. It says to love our anger, it is a warning signal. Because it is so passionate, we don't know how to deal with it, nor do we understand it. This book says to understand our anger, & knowing that it is a warning signal is a good start. When we get angry, it says to take a pause, breathe, concentrate on our breathing, & ask ourselves why we are angry. The answer will come. It' s not the anger that is bad, it is reacting to it negatively. I wish I had gotten this book a long time ago, it might have saved alot of pain, & misery for myself, & others. At one time in my drinking, & early sobriety I was in a rage, I had so much that I had repressed. So alot of that was from my past. I still have triggers from the past, but most of the time, I know that. I hate to argue with the BB, but, we're going to get angry, & it's not good to deny it, or beat ourselves up for having anger, we can learn from it. Anger is like fear, there is healthy, & unhealthy. They signal us that something is wrong, sometimes, terribly wrong, this is a good thing, we can do something about it, we don't have to be powerless over it. My repressed anger over the years got me alot of unecessary pain & misery. I went to jail more than once because of my anger, it got me in alot of trouble. And the depression at times was so debilitating. My lesson in all this is I need to allow myself to have angry emotions, & deal with it right away. All this time I was asking God to take it away, & I found instead I had to work with it. I thot I had done that, & I still get angry at some things, but I don't blame all men anymore, I don't blame my parents. What a relief. That doesn't excuse the men that abused me, but that anger I am facing now in doing my 4th step on them, & I'll be able to let it go. I can't allow myself to get in those situations anymore, & I attract healthier people, men, & women. There were women I'm angry at too, am working on it. That book was comforting, I used to think I was evil because I had all that rage. Not so. I have my shadow side, & I am learning to embrace that part of me as well. I'd like to hear your thots on this. You all have a good one.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 12:38 PM
6 Comments:
And just how does the book say to "deal" with anger? I am full of it.....Do we accept it? Do we always think it is our fault? The past makes it twisted, this anger thing......
i feel anger. and i do passive aggressive. bad, bad, bad. but i'm trying, you are too. by your posts i see you are getting in touch with so many things and that's good. now just take one thing at a time and focus on it and try to sort it out. you're doing so well, after all, the main thing, you are not drinking. all else will follow. you're working so hard at it, how can it not?!?!? lots of love!
Well, I don't have any anger today, becuase none of that stuff is happening in the NOW. When we are angry at past stuff, we end up living in the past. OH....it took a shit load of work and sober living to learn to truly stay in the day...cuz Sobriety is Exhaustin ;)
To me, I see you really working sweet pea! Be gentle with yourself and wrestle one thing at a time. Your desire for a better happier life is Showing!!!
Anger, yes I still get it and when I do it can make me ill but it doesnt come as often now.
Do you think anger that is repressed comes back as depression?
Most of my anger is focused on my brother who does nothing all day except drink then throws up all night but considers himself superior to everyone.
My mum has just asked me to decorate his bedroom because he is poorly, he was diagnosed with schitzophrenia well that doesnt stop you hanging wall paper does it.
He doesnt acknowledge his own daughter, he makes me really angry but then I realise, he has got power over me, why should I get all worked up and make myself ill?
I am gradually learning to do what they tell me in AA - Pray For Him!
It works even though for a while you may feel a fraud, you may say to god "I know that you know i dont mean this but well here goes..."
Just an idea anyway Sharron, have a good weekend!
This sounds like what I have been reading in Anger: Buddhist Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh. Is it the same one? I found it really useful. He says you have to look after your anger, like you would look after your stomach if you had stomach ache. I like that.
Anger has its place and isn't all bad. Anger that spews at another though without our being responsible for it is hurtful and dangerous. I monitor my anger to determine why I feel it and what to do about it. I don't let it control me.
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