ARE WE HELPING, OR ARE WE ENABLING?
I am so frustrated, almost angry. I'm not sure what to do anymore to carry the message. I guess I mistakenly thot someone was reaching out for help, so I shared my experience, strength & hope. When someone reaches out for help, the hand of AA is there. Is that right? Well, I did that, & got a slap in the face, so to speak, in her response. I know one thing, I am grateful to AA, & the people in it, even the ones that told me things I didn't want to hear, I am grateful to them. I expect everyone else to be, & some are not. I have a question for you out there. Do you think someone, in order to get sober, & stay sober, have to be ready? Willing to hear the truth? Become teachable? Become willing? Do you think we should wait till they are ready? Or do you think we should keep working with them, & hope they get ready? Does the readiness come after they've been worked with? Do we stick with them, even when they keep going back out, but keep coming back to AA? Or do you think we're enabling them? Or do we leave them alone, but ready to help when they are ready. When do we move on to someone who is ready, & has the willingness to do whatever it takes. I was brought up in old AA, & they put it like this. You have to be willing to push a peanut down the street with your nose. What do you say to that? I fooled around with the program for a no. of years. I was so self destructive, I was killing myself, I finaly had to be done, I had to get the willingness, & enough humility to become teachable. Until then, I was wasting everyones time & energy. I can keep carrying the message, but it won't help the still suffering alcoholic until they're ready to listen. Please tell me if I've been misinformed. I have someone who 'adopted' me to be their sponsor, so I asked them to go to a couple of meetings, & we would get together & talk after the meeting, to see if we would be a good match. I also wanted to see if they had the willingness. She didn't show for either meeting, & hasn't called. I don't think I should chase her. A sponsee has to be somewhat responsible, in doing their part, they have to do the footwork, I can't do it for them, I won't. It's a waste of my time, & energy. Do you think I'm being too hard? I've come to this conclusion out of experience with others. I've had dealings with another alcoholic of the description I mention at the beginning of my blog. They keep goiing thru the revolving doors. What do you do with them? I'm out of it now, because I haven't been able to help her, tho if I thot she was serious, I would. I know, I have stayed sober, but I want so much for others to have sobriety. They make it so hard for themselves. It's hard to watch. These are neat people, but their disease has them by the balls! Wish I had a magic wand. that's not my job tho, is it? It's God's. I guess that's what it boils down to, trust in God. Give them to him. You see, the bottom line is, I still feel the pain from not being able to help my brother, & my mother, & I'm angry at God for not doing something. Why me? Why not them? Why somebody else? Yes, I'm angry at you God, & I'm angry at the people who fool with this disease, & the program. They're flirting with it, & they're getting their asses kicked, & are too stupid to know it. Or don't care. I've seen so much, lives ruined, not just the alcoholic's but the people involved with them too. And we alcoholics think we're the only ones we hurt!
posted by sharonsjourney @ 3:41 PM
3 Comments:
Maybe some of these people just need a friend. I feel your anger, I don't need anyone to be angry at me, do it enough to myself. I realize what you are saying, but I think calling others stupid is pretty harsh. Thought the program said we were sick, not bad. Should tradition 3 be changed? Just asking. If it were, I would already be dead and only healthy people would come to AA, kinda like a Kiwanis or Girl Scout meeting. That would be a nice reality. Not saying this to make you angry, just sharing my feelings from my experiences.
that age old saying applies: you can bring a donkey to the water, but you cannot make him drink!
personally, i wouldn't/didn't stop drinking until i was ready. no sooner! no matter what people said. in actual fact, once the drinking became an issue, i drank even more! guilt, i suppose.
but i did appreciate 1 person, who came up to me once, and said that there is help out there, and when i'm ready, i could talk to her. and that was that. the pushy people i just shut out.
so my opinion... let her know you are there, ready and willing to help when she is ready and willing to stop drinking. and then step back till she's ready to step forward...
Sharon, you seem to answer your own questions sometimes when you write...have you noticed that? It seems to help you process your thinking. I find that to be true with myself also. The more I write about something the clearer it becomes. I used to fight the battle you are speaking of alot. I think our responsibility is to attract not promote. People will come to us for our experience, strength and hope when and ONLY when they want to hear it. I try to concentrate on my OWN recovery at all times. This ensures that I too am ready when someone ASKS for help.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home