ADDICTION GOT IT'S WAY...ONCE AGAIN.....
No, come to think of it, I wasn't in a rage, I wasn't crying, I wasn't anything but a big hole, I was empty of everything, I was, like on another planet!! Truly I was. It was maybe a yr. probably six months before I had any feelings about anything. Then I grieved, & part of that grief was rage, hurt, fear, & extreme sadness. So, enough about that. I don't ever want to forget where I was at. I could get so 'well' I don't think I need any help, or lose my humility & not reach out for help when I need it. One thing I know is, this works by working with another alcoholic, You give help, you get help, you get help, you give help. That's the paradox of the thing. Wonderful how it works, we're taken care of, if we do that.I am so upset with my friend. I'll tell you what happened. She thot she could rise above it all with her intelligence, thot she had us all fooled. She had a sponsor, she was sponsoring, she was reading the BB, sharing at meetings, doing the do, but apparently she was just going thru the motions. She wasn't being honest. She was using on & off the whole time. Just recently she was driving,going 60 mi. an hr & hit someone, the other driver was killed, & she wasn't even hurt that much. She is still using! I want to shake her! I want to throw her up against the wall, & scream at her, 'Look at where your disease took you? Look how many people you've hurt, & it killed a man! When is enough enough?!" That's what I want to do. I don't know what to do. I've called her, she called back twice, once I wasn't home, the other time she didn't stay on the phone. To tell you the truth, I'm glad, because I don't want to talk to her, I don't know what to say. I'm afraid I'd be drawn into her lies, or that I would be unkind. I will listen to her, but not her disease, trying to build up her ego, her lies, her denial. I won't do it. This is so devastating! The AA community is taking this pretty hard. I won't even write about how the people involved are taking it, I couldn't say.
Labels: another's addiction, early sobriety, how devastating, working with others
posted by sharonsjourney @ 9:14 PM
3 Comments:
that's really tough. she has to get to the point of stopping on her own, though. it's incredibly frustrating when you can see it happening, but are unable to control it, in ourselves and in others. maybe a bit of that 'tough love' is what she needs??? i don't know her, so i cannot say. but maybe if that support network, especialy since she's still using, is no longer there, she may face up to herself? i wish you luck here...
Sometimes, I think we just have to use another persons example to show us how we "don't" want to live anymore. She is "suffering" from the disease of alcoholism. This is what the disease looks like. It's very hard when we look at it from the side of recovery...but it's no different now, than it was when we were drinking. We all travel a road...this is hers. It's sad.
I recieved a DUI shortly after this person was arrested. All I could think of was, there but for the Grace of God go I. She will never be the same. This disease sucks, bottom line, it takes and takes until sometimes there is nothing left but a shell. She is using because that is what she knows, I am sure the pain of her actions must be unbearable. I don't know if I would want to live.
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