BOUNDARIES VS CONTROL
I have to tell you, I'm a computer illiterite. My friend Roy helped me out alot, & even set up this blog for me. I must have frustrated him, but he never showed it. He was very patient with me, & I appreciate him. If you read this blog Roy, thank you so much for all your help.Now about control. A friend of mine has a post about controlling in a relationship. I feel the same way. We get into traps rather than relationships because we try & control the other person. I have found thru experience that there are certain things I can't allow in a relationship, & this is for my own sobriety, self worth, & peace of mind. I can't allow drinking/using in any form. That to me would be disrespectful of my sobriety. I can't allow cheating, or disrespect. That to me is not controlling, but keeping healthy boundaries, we have to have healthy boundaries, in order to have relataionships of all kinds. Respect of myself first, then & only then can I respect you. I have made all the excuses to protect my ego, & found out the hard way about having healthy boundaries vs control. It has been a long, rough road to discover some things, I'm still discovering, but I'm on that journey to a healthier self, & I have to surround myself with healthy people for support. I am not saying I don't help the still suffering alcoholic, I do, & hopefully by my setting boundaries I help the other person to do the same, I don't join them, because if I do, it is no help to either one of us, I've just let the sickness take us both down. I have found also why AA says men with the men, & women with the women. It's too risky when you cross that line, you have to ask yourself what your true motives are.
Labels: sobriety relationships boundaries motives
posted by sharonsjourney @ 4:08 PM
6 Comments:
Hi Sharron,
I am just starting out on a new relationship (well still a potencial one) after a long time and so far the first in sobriety.
No doubt Ill fall down all the pitfalls and have to learn from my mistakes but I dont wanna spend rest of my life alone.
I just get so scared at starting the ball rolling.
I know what u mean about meetings, I dont think of them as pickup places but a place to be honest and get well
'Nice' post my friend. If you don't mind me saying so, ask Roy to help you to put a list of links. They will appreciate your thought.
Keep on posting.
Ni Sharron,
Have u ever read "The Celestine Prophesy" by James Redfield, I highly recommend you get it if you havent already!
Hi Sharon awesome words of wisdom gurl friend! I'm hoping that someday I will find a new relationship, someone to share my life with. In the mean time, I am working on setting healthy boundaries for myself and learning to treat ME with love and respect. Isn't that the best way to set a good example for others ?
ps, I have linked you on my post, hope it is OK?
HUGS
very very smart stuff :)
I do enjoy your thoughts :) you flaming liberal hehehe
It's awesome to hear from you
Keep in touch, my sister in recovery.
God bless
"That to me is not controlling, but keeping healthy boundaries, we have to have healthy boundaries, in order to have relationships of all kinds. Respect of myself first, then & only then can I respect you. I have made all the excuses to protect my ego, & found out the hard way about having healthy boundaries vs control."
that's great advice for an individual ...and great advice for a nation. :)
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