HARM DONE TO OTHERS.....
In doing my 4th step this time, alot of 8th step stuff came up, cuz I've done a 4th, & an 8th before. In the begnning it was all about the resentments, now the harm I have done others creeps in, more & more is revealed, MY selfishness, & so on. I have made amends to my family, but more is being revealed, of the harm I did them. How I handle that now is do a living amends. I don't want to keep making amends over & over, I don't think it would have the same meaning. My dad, & mom, & little brother are dead. I made amends to my mother before she died, but more has been revealed. I didn't get to my brother, I wasn't there yet, & I was still drinking when my dad was alive. This haunts me, I wish so much I could have. I wish too, they could see the change in me, & we could have repaired our relationship. Some things I'll never be able to repair. I can do a living amends, & write them letters, but somehow it's not the same as them seeing for themselves how truly sorry I am, that I really do regret hurting them, in so many ways. I have to live with this, it haunts me, the pain will never go away. I am reminded every day of what I did. I don't dwell on it, but it just comes up. Maybe when I get thru my 4th & 8th & 9th step, it will ease up a little. A big part of my living amends is helping others, working with other alcoholics, helping my neighbor, whatever comes up where I can be of service, I do with a smile on my face. Where I couldn't help them, I help others, & I carry the message both inside & outside of AA. It keeps me off the pity pot, & lightens the load some. I use my past to carry the message, that's all. Well, I'm not perfect, I still get on the pity pot, I'm still bitchy sometimes, but there is a solution today, & I can choose to get out of the problem, & get into the solution. I have a choice now that I'm in recovery. I didn't have choices when I was drinking/drugging. Love & respect each other.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 9:17 AM
5 Comments:
oh my goodness. Way to give it up to your HP, Sharon!
Working through those steps and recovery, taking the message to others as well as uncovering the uncomfortable things and making amends... you are going through some powerful therapy.
You are fantastic. :)
Even though you feel that were not able to make amends properly with your family, they are all looking down at you and I'm sure are so proud of your recovery. In my belief, they are in the most beautiful place and forgive you completely and love you so much. I'm sure the last thing they want is for you to hold on to feelings of regret regarding the past. You're doing really well- you make me realize how important it is to actually work the through the steps completely. Talk to you soon and thanks for your support.
I wish I could remember which of my posts I wrote about my Dad...I would link you to them. My fater died before I got sober, and I was drunk at his funeral (I think it's in my labels under confession)...anyway, I try to truly honor the things that were important to my father....as my amends. Such as "being there" for my mother (he loved her). Being a good mother to my children (he loved them). Continuing to sing and play the guitar (he loved that), and most of all staying sober. I know he would have loved me to get sober........and I did. Now I do everything I can to hold onto that....cause it would make him so happy.
I too believe that the ones who have died before us are watching with love from where they are now. And like others have said, the best amends is to live in such a way that you are kind and loving and giving to yourself and others. You do ALL of that, right? Try not to be so hard on Sharon, she's a really good friend of mine!
THE SACRED BULL
I imagine 12 STEPPERS have sold their souls to the devil. Fortunately, I was saved through the power of Jesus Christ, but for many years had been exposed to the evil “satanic cult” (Alcoholics Anonymous) Wilson (AA) has prostituted himself & deluded many thousands (12 Step Groups) by worshipping the god Moloch (Ba’al the Sacred Bull). It all started with his (Wilson) “drug induced hallucination”….
Here are references to seances and other psychic events….
Bill would…”get” these things …long sentences, word by word would come through….” (22)
, he asked for guidance….The words began tumbling out with astonishing speed….(23)
So A.A.’s 12 Steps were actually received verbatim from the demonic world. It is not surprising, then, that the effect of A.A. upon many of its members is to lead them into occult involvement. In 1958, Wilson wrote to Sam Shoemaker,
Throughout A.A., we find a large amount of psychic phenomena, nearly all of it spontaneous. Alcoholic after alcoholic tells me of such experiences… run nearly the full gamut of everything we see in the books. In addition to my original mystical experience, I’ve had a lot of such phenomenalism myself.(24)
Wilson’s “original mystical experience” was his alleged “conversion” –a classic occult encounter: “Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. I was caught up into an ecstasy…it burst upon me that I was a free man…a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers! ‘ A great peace stole over me….”(25)
This was not the “God of the preachers” but the one who transforms himself “into an angel of light” (2 Cor 1l:l4)-a light that often transforms those involved in the occult. The experience was so profound that Wilson never touched alcohol again. Satan would he more than willing to deliver a man from alcoholism in this life if thereby he could ensnare him for eternity and inspire him to lead millions to the same destruction!
Wilson joined the Oxford Group and regularly attended its meetings at Calvary Church (NY), pastored by Episcopalian Sam Shoemaker. Shoemaker urged his hearers to “accept God however they might conceive of him….”(26) Here was the origin of Step 3’s “God as we understood him.” God does not respond to those who call upon false gods. Jesus said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (Jn 17:3). God’s judgment comes upon them “that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Thes 1:8).
I will set my face against that man & his family & will cut off from their people both him & all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molech. I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums & spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, & I will cut him off from his people. (Leviticus 20: 5, 6)
Moloch the God Ba’al, the Sacred Bull, was widely worshipped in the ancient Near East and wherever Carthaginian culture extended. Baal Moloch was conceived under the form of a calf or an ox or depicted as a man with the head of a bull.
Hadad, Baal or simply the King identified the god within his cult. The name Moloch is not the name he was known by among his worshippers, but a Hebrew Moloch (in the Septuagint Greek translation of the Old Testament), or Molech (Hebrew), is no different than the word Melech or king, transformed by interposing the vowels of bosheth or ’shameful thing’. translation. The written form.
He is sometimes also called Milcom in the Old Testament.
I beg you Steppers to to get out while you can (12 Step) or end up as SHAPE SHIFTING REPTILES!!
Peace Be With You
Micky
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