FELLOW TRAVELER

LIGHT BULB MOMENT......

At the meeting tonite we discussed rage, & anger. I had a lightbulb moment. I realized that for me, there is a difference. When I'm angry, it's because I didn't get my way, or you're not doing it right, or somebody keyed my car (that really happened, I was pissed!) Rage is a whole other arena. When I have been in a rage in the past, it has always been out of deep, deep, hurt to the bone. I've been in a rage a number of times, & I was hurting to the bone! Sometimes it was what was being done to me, sometimes something triggered something in my past. I think I pretty much have a handle on my rage, not so much my anger. I can get angry quickly, but it usually doesn't last. If it does, I'm usually angry at myself over the situation. I didn't handle something right, or I allowed something unpleasant to happen. I love it when I get clarity. That's my story, & I'm sticking to it.

The sponsor I had who went back out never left meetings, she is still going, & is back on track. I'm so glad. I'm going to continue to meet with her one day a week, & we'll study, & discuss the BB, not as sponsor, sponsee, but as friends, sisters, in the program. It would help us both. There's no reason to quit meeting with her. In fact, we may get a little group going, I don't know. We'll see. I am worried about her, so I'm trying to help fill up her idle time. Oh, I know, but for the grace of God, there go I. She had about 6 mos. more time than me, & it scared me, I mean, I've relapsed before, I don't trust myself. I trust God tho. That's a beautiful thing. You all have a good one, & love each other.

Labels: angerm rage trusting God, BB study, relapse, sponsor

posted by sharonsjourney @ 12:15 AM