ANXIETY & FEAR.....
Well, I have to find another sponsor. My sponsor was confronted today about her drinking, & using pills for the last 3 or 4 mos. At first she denied it, a couple of times, those women, one of them her sponsor wouldn't let up, so she finally admitted that yes, she had been drinking, & using. I'm disappointed, but I don't judge her. Who am I to judge, I've done it myself, more than once. She got very involved in her church, & let up on AA, cut back on her meetings, & service work.I've been having alot of anxiety & fear lately. I'm 21/2 yrs. old in my recovery, & am told it's separation anxiety. Two yr. olds start separating from their parents at that age. I've been feeling like I'm coming onto my own moreso, but I'm frightened about it. It's like, I don't want to be out here on my own, but I do. I'm getting out of my people pleasing, too. I'm having trouble finding a balance, cuz I still need people. I guess I'm growing out of dependence, & learning interdependence. That's part of the uncovering, discovering. That's what it's about too. I'm uncovering in my 4th step, but also discovering, some of it isn't so hot. I don't like looking at my defects, but I'm glad I get to, I have the opportunity to let God get rid of some, & work at improving on some others. I've been working with my grande sponsor some, so guess I'll just work with her more, & let my sponsor go. She needs to work on some things, she has to start over. Well, I just realized, I have to be dependent on God, interdependent with people, & humble with myself, in other words, get right sized. I'm also in a place in my recovery, there are some friendships that I need to give more of myself with, be more open, & that is very scary for me. I've kept people at arms llength for a long time. That's just not going to work anymore. So yes, I've been anxious, & frightened about that too. It will all be ok tho, I know that, as long as I give it to God. Blogging, & hearing from my blogger friends has helped me so much. I was going to say, you just don't know, but I'll bet you do. Thank you for your support, encouragement, in such kind words. I love you all.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 8:41 PM
7 Comments:
'growing out of dependance into interdependance'. i like that. thanks for pointing that out. i've missed that one so far.
I know it is so sad to lose a sponsor. To Thine Onself be True...is valuable right now for you. You are still Gods' baby girl...no matter what. Keep doing the next right thing and stay in the day.
Hi Sharron, I am about at your stage as well, I was wondering what the feeling was, getting independant thats it, Ill be 3 years old at the end of next month and down to one meeting per week, I hardly ever see my sponsor now a days and I keep thinking well I know people who have got sober without AA, not that I would want to. I guess I really want to be independant not just of alcohol but of everything, I am 4 months into quitting smoking as well
Hey gurl... I am sorry to hear about your sponosor, and my prayers are out for her.
keep talking to your grande sponsor, and going to meetings like you have been, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
sending you a BIG OL HUG
: )
Thanks for the comment sharron that was thought provoking, I am going to start going to AA on Thursdays as well, I must admit I have started feeling like an otcast just lately, u know the feeling like no one wants me there.
I just cannot imagine myself ever drinking again, it just got so really bad in all honesty I would rather be dead than pick up again, i just couldnt go through the horror again.
When u mention in your post your sponsor was taking pills, what pills do u mean, I have been taking citalopram for 2 years in sobriety and some in AA look down upon you for that but I just cant do with the depression back and am not prepared to risk it by stopping, in fact I have stopped before and it was the only time in my three years that I nearly picked up.
Looking forward to your next post
hey! i'm still learning to deal with NOT accepting responsibility for others feelings and responsibilities and i have to made a conscious effort every day to achieve that. and when i don't, i have to keep telling myself that the feelings of guilt i have for not accepting them, are ALSO stupid, they are not my responsibility. it's a hard one for me....
thanks those words and for reminding me of this!!!!
Oxford group soul surgery techniques called for augmentation of guilt leading to the conversion experience. The alcoholics had learned, through their own conversion, a different method, augmentation of fear with an initial diminution of guilt. “It’s not your fault it’s a disease. There is nothing you can do about it. You’ll die unless you believe.” When a person was properly convinced & reached a point of proper desperation, guilt was then applied to bring about conversion of God control. These new groupers [Steppers] were motivated not primarily by guilt, but by fear. The other groupers [Steppers] being god controlled through guilt would use guilt to manipulate others.
Peace Be With You
Micky
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home