4th Step............
I'm all messed up on my 4th step. I've started it over many times. I know there must be fear connected. I did it, not by the BB the first few times. I used one one those print out of the columns from Joe & Charilie, & I got quite aways on that, but it seemed to me, it went into the 8th step, also. I'm not ready for the 8th step, & it was a little confusing. I went by a book that lined out the 4th step, it was even more confusing. Then I went by some other one too. Now I'm going by the BB. By this time tho, I'm so sick of writing 4th steps, I don't want to do it, I just don't want to start all over, & do all that writing, & checking off again. I do however, want to get past this, & get on with my other steps. I've wound up stuck on the 4th step, then too, I went back on the 3rd step, to make sure I have a good foundation. My excuse is, I want to do it as thorough as I can, I want to be honest, so I keep going back over it. I'm not getting the flow of it, like I did with my previous 4th steps. What's the matter with me? I should have it down pretty good by now. Maybe I'm avoiding the 8th, & 9th. I've only done the 8th, & 9th one other time, but my sponsor fired me, that was when I was grieving over my brother dying of alcoholism. I went crazy with grief, it just took me over, & got in the way of my step work. I've had a hard time getting back on track since then. I don't think I want to face the things I did to him, because I can't make amends to him, I can, but will he know? The same thing with my mom, who died a few yrs. after he did. I need them to forgive me in person. I know I need to continue with my steps tho, & I will, but wish I wouldn't take so long. I'm glad I don't have to wait till the 9th step for promises to come true for me, some already have. There are promises thru out the BB. Step 3 has them, step 5 has them, they're all thru the steps, so we don't have to wait till we're half way thru. As long as we continure. That's it! I haven't continued, I got stuck on the 4th step. Ok, time for me to roll my sleeves up & get on with it. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks. Keep on Keepin' On. A good one for me to follow. I want this spiritual food bad enough, I will.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 7:52 AM
3 Comments:
"Hey Bob"
BILL:]
Hey, hey BOB, I had a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
Hey, hey BOB, my higher power, will always do
I've waited so long for BOOZE to be through
BOB, I can't wait to meet you
My love, my love
[BOB:]
Hey BILL, I've had a BRAINSTORM too
Hey, hey, hey BILL, I want to meet you too
If your PROGRAM is true, if you love AA, BILL!!
The BIG BOOK will always be real
My love, my love
[BILL&BOB:]
AA means planning a life for two
Being together the whole day through
True SOBRIETY means waiting and hoping that soon
The 12 STEPS will come true
My love, my love
Peace Be With You
Micky
Rarely have we seen a person fail who followed us home. Those who are not BRAINWASHED are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this garbage, usually men and women who are constitutionally capable of thinking for themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born premature. They are naturally capable of building and developing muscles, which demands rigorous training. Their chances are 6/4 on.
There are those, too, who are gravediggers and undertakers, but many of them do become ZOMBIES if they have the capacity to be dishonest.
Our stories disclose in a twisted way, who we like, what happened, and who we hate now. If you have decided you want a cup of tea and are willing to go to any lengths to become emotionally shutdown, SHIFT SHAPING REPTILES - then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked, we thought we could find someone to 13th Step. And we realised, we could. With all the madness at our command, we beg of you to become Bill Wilson Clones - from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our BIG BOOKS and the result was nil until we let go of our SPONSORS.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, frothy, bubbly, and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power that one is the BARMAN. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the bar. We asked the BARMAN for a couple of stiff whiskies.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program to INSANITY:
1.We admitted we were powerless over Coca - Cola, and decided to drink Pepsi, instead.
2.Came to believe that Cold Power was a detergent.
3.Made a decision to turn our heads when we saw an attractive blonde.
4.Did a body search of the new members.
5.Admitted to our DOG, to elves, and to another super being the exact nature of our songs.
6.Were entirely ready to have SUPERMAN remove the effects of kryptonite.
7.Humbly asked CLARK KENT to remove our brains.
8.Made a list of all persons who owed us money, and became willing to charge them interest.
9.Made direct hits wherever possible, except when someone moved the target.
10.Continued to talk crap and when we were wrong, promptly talked more crap.
11.Sought through our mail and computer to improve our conscious contact with BATMAN, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of ROBIN and the return of SPIDERMAN.
12.Having had a stroke as the result of these steps, we tried to carry out the garbage, and fell flat on our backs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain their homes and 13th Step the newcomers, at the same time. We are not psychopaths. The point is, that we are willing to become psychotic. The principles we have set down are guides to psychosis. We claim that Bill Wilson was a psychopath.
Our description of the landscape, the chapter to the Gnostic, and our family photos before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were ugly and could not manage our own appearance.
(b) That probably no photographer could have improved our looks.
(c) That a PLASTIC SURGEON could and would if he were sought. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Did you enjoy that Sharon? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Who is your favorite PSYCHOPATH? Bill Wilson!! HA! HA! HA! I'm sorry, Sharon! I just can't stop laughing!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! It's just too much, Sharon? I imagine you will go to a meeting after you have read my thought provoking comments? Are you being MESMERIZED, Sharon? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! It's just too much!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA
HAVE YOU TRIED FISHING?
Have you tried fishing? Not your common or gardening angling, but “reel fishing”! Not with worms or artificial flies, but with “real meat”, like the 12 STEPS or the BIG BOOK. We used to do it every summer…well! It was your summer and our winter. You’ve probably gathered, that I used to live in Australia.
We’d hire this boat, quite a big one it was, Ethel and the kids, Bill 44 and Bob…he’d be 37 by now. We’d do a picnic basket – lovely it was, our 5th Step, sobriety dates, drinking stories, a couple of bottles of wine and the 12 x 12. And off we’d sail over the reef. The sun would beat down, often the sea would be as calm…no calmer than the 12th STEP and we’d just drift. We’d put our lines over then and just wait – play AA tapes, talk crap, and ring our SPONSORS. Wonderful it was. Mind you, Ethel, didn’t care for the bait, it was the smell you see and the sight of HOW IT WORKS cluttering up the deck. “Micky”, she’d say! “The AA PROGRAM is putting me off my dinner”! Well, it didn’t bother me or the kids, it wasn’t like that, the OXFORD GROUP had delivered it quite fresh but Ethel used to say that CHAPTER 5 “sneered” at her and made noises, offensive noises, when the gases escaped from its crap. The kids loved that “Mum”! They’d say when it did it – “RARELY HAVE WE SEEN A ZOMBIE FAIL WHO HAS THOROUGHLY FOLLOWED OUR PATH,” Well she didn’t like that, not Ethel, strict BUCHMANITE, she was, thought it was very disrespectful. She would go into one of her sulks and it would last for “bloody hours”.
Mind you, she did get a bit more excited when Bill shared his story. Well she had to with Bill frothing at the mouth and banging his fist against the side of the boat. And then there would be more…Bob got into the act, tearing chunks out of the 12 Steps, spitting everywhere, snapping at Bill. But I don’t think she really approved, not Ethel. She said it was senseless 13th STEPPING. Well I suppose it was if you look at it that way! But there are lots of 12 STEP PROGRAMS aren’t, there?
It went wrong when Bill did the 9th Step! Huge it was, more like the 5th step, really. Again and again he raved on like a psychopath, but he wouldn’t shut up. Clever “bugger”! He had learned you see. Well I was determined that I was going to do a personal INVENTORY. I threw the BIG BOOK, all the picnic stuff in the water. Bill went mad; I’d never seen him so upset. He tore the rod out of its restraints and hurled it in the water. I didn’t stop to think, that’s always been my problem, “being sober” – Bill followed the rod! Well! He was gone in “two bites” and I didn’t catch the PROGRAM. It seemed to know, it sort of “grinned” at me and then just made off. Bob wasn’t too pleased either…he’d missed his higher power!!
Peace Be With You
Micky
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