FELLOW TRAVELER

TANGENT.........

Here I was, getting out of my 'hoola hoop', taking someone else's inventory, or trying to control a situation. I know better, but before you know it, I've done it again. I hate that! Then I feel like shit afterwards. People are people, alcoholics are alcoholics, & so on, they're going to do what comes natural to them, even in recovery, as they try & change. It doesn't happen over nite, & recovery is not a straight line up. It weaves in & out, like a tapestry, it has it's ups & downs. I have to learn to calm down, go with the flow, live & let live. I hate to admit this, but sometimes I come off as the AA police. I can't stand it, when people go against the principles, not to say I don't. But I'm passionate about the principles, recovery, & I think that people who have been in the program any length of time should not do certain things, & they do it blatanly. Then, I don't know the whole story, but it's what you do, not what you think, or what your intentions are. Please! I almost went off on a tangent, I do that. Sometimes I get over protective of the women in the program. Seems they have to go thru alot more shit to get sober, that shit being predators. Some men don't even consider this, but, guess what? Women have just as much right to get sober as any man. Of course, I know there are women predators too, & they disgust me just as much as the men. In early sobriety I was so messed up, & I was terrorized, & stalked by a man, he would do it in meetings too, & noone stopped him. I was scared to death to go to meetings, so I quit going, & eventually drank. I look out for the women today, to keep that from happening to them. Mine, I think, was an extreme case, but still, there are predators. I know when I first came into AA I was terrified anyway, I sure didn't need that. I have learned in my journey both in my drinking & drugging career, & sobriety. I use to look at men as sex objects. Today, I look at them as my brothers, I looked at women as my competition, today I look at them as sisters....both, for the most part. I can't think about having a 'relationship' yet, I'm too busy on my recovery, & making new friends, men & women alike. It's a beautiful thing, it's all new to me. I have to learn to give of myself as a friend, & sister first. The other is too scarey for me, & I haven't attracted very healthy men so far, so I must not be too healthy, myself, but I'm going there, I'm on my way. Did I just go on a tangent?

Labels: brothers, healthy, predators, sisters, tangent

posted by sharonsjourney @ 8:37 PM