FELLOW TRAVELER

STUCK IN THE PAST.........

I am soooo over Xmas! I get this big hole in me at Xmas time, cause I want my dad, mom, & brother here to be with my sis & I. I want Xmas to be like it used to be. It hasn't been since they died, & it never will be, no matter how hard my sis & I try to make Xmas like it was. She has finally accepted it, before Xmas, I finally have after. That's the thing, is I have to accept, & adjust to that fact. The social worker at hospice, when my mom died, said when someone you love dearly, & who is very important to you dies, you have to shift your thinking. I don't remember him saying that, but my sis did, & just told me about it, cause she could see I was still trying to make Xmas like it was, & getting stuck there, so I had this big hole. I was either denying how I felt, or getting down on myself for how I was feeling. I didn't know what was going on with me, until my sis shared that with me. Seems like I have to hear from someone elsee much of the time, to validate my feelings. It's been painful, being in that place, where my dad, mom, & brother used to be, but no longer are. I wanted to talk to them so much, I kept wishing them here, & it seemed almost possible. This is where step 3 comes in, I think. Let go & let God. Also the Serenity Prayer. So I had a miserable Xmas of my own making. It didn't have to be. Acceptance is the answer, how true in this case. I'm working thru this. I have done better this year, I remembered to be grateful for what I have, which is alot. It sure helps the attitude, even if you do feel like shit. The new year will be better, as I keep growing & changing, with the help of those who love me, & the program. I am so grateful! I heard something in a movie I watched last nite, & that is, that you can keep a person alive thru memories, those I have, that I can do. Hope you all had a wonderful Xmas, & Happy New Year! It's going to be for me! Love you

posted by sharonsjourney @ 2:49 PM