MY SISTER.......
First thing in the morning I have my coffee & a cig, then while I'm having my coffee, I check my email, then my blogger friends, it's a morning ritual. I love the mornings! Well it's back to the normal day, excet that I am still at my sister's. Her & I drank & drugged together, a long time ago. She rarely drinks now. She has traded her alcohol & drug addiction for food. Food is her comfort. She has gained over 100 lbs. in the last 10 years. I worry about her, & want so much for her to get into recovery, but I can't force it on her, neither do I say anything about her eating habits, my mom did that alot. I don't know, but I think she suspects what she is doing. It's not like her life is out of control, or she's unhappy. She has a very loving & supportive relationship with her partner. They have a good life, one that I respect & admire. She has handled her issues thru therapy, & has changed & grown into a lovely person. So who am I to worry about her? I worry about her health, but it's not up to me to say anything, or is it? Her partner is always making up or researching new diets for them to go on, so they know it's a problem. What I do, is make the best of our time together, & don't lay any guilt trips on her. She knows about the program, & knows about OA. I love her dearly & want to keep her around for a long time. Maybe I'm not setting a good enough example of what he program can do. I've had a lot of problems, & obstacles in my sobriety, it has not been easy. I have, however overcome a lot of those obstacles, & fears, I have come a long ways, she tells me so. But I think to myself, I could be doing better, I shouldd be further along in my recovery. But there I go with the coulda, shoulda, woulda's. That's my disease talking to me. My life is so much better, but I compare it to hers, & hers is a life you dream of having, that I would like to emmulate, but I'm not her. I feel like I could be a better example. She's much more succesful than I am, & I know that's not what you measure a person by, tho it does enter into it. Well, I'm kind of rambling now. We are very supportive of each other, & she is happy with her life, I guess I will leave it at that. I believe she knows I am here for her, if she ever needs me for anything. I just realized I'm still trying to make up for the harm I've done her, in our drinking & drugging together, I was not a good sister, or example all of the time. I've always felt protective of her...I am the oldest. So I was quite controlling alot of the time, in that I knew what was best for her. We had different ideas about that. That's no longer an issue with us tho. She's doing better than I am, & she now is the more mature one. I'm still working at it. I am alot better about minding my own business, I'm happy that we are a big part of each other's lives. What more could I ask for?
posted by sharonsjourney @ 10:11 AM
9 Comments:
One of my favorite sayings is "When we knew better, we did better"
I hope that one day my two daughters find a way to have a relationship with each other.
hey! recover at your own speed, in your own time. you cannot hurry it. and by the sounds of it, your sister has 'forgiven' you, maybe you need to forgive yourself too?
Hey Sharron, I am sorry i didnt tell u all the rules and stuff but it dont matter does it.
I suppose without AA we could give up drink but we could trade one addiction for another, I have put a couple of stone on since I quit drinking but I have learned that its important for your well being as well to get plenty of exercise its such a great medicine for depression but you dont feel like it when you are depressed.
You gotta break the cycle aint you.
It's good that you and your sister have reconciled. She will discover in her own time how to feel better about herself.
Hi Sharron,
This thinking yourself better, the process of thinking which creates your future realities is so true isnt it but you are right handing your will to God puts you on a hiher level, I know what you mean, otherwise you may think things which are for self gratification rather than helping others.
Thank you Sharon for being a friend. Reaching out to me when I really needed it. Thank you very much.
Hey Sharron--if you could send me an e-mail to mwoodroof@gmail.com, I've got a response from the folks at my new site that should be helpful.
As to your relationship with your sister, it took me ages to learn to let life be okay, to enjoy what I have. I just had to have a certain amount of sobriety and Stepping, and a certain amount of time partnering with HP and then, one day, came the Big Whew, and I relaxed.
Food is such a baffling symptom of this Dz. It was my first vice and only manifested into more symptoms as I grew sick in my Dz. It is beautiful that you and your sister have this relationship today. Powerlessness over some of her actions that concern you is a beast. Offering her your love without loving her to death is challenging. Hopefully she will re-discover nurturing her body as intended.
Hi all this is cool recovery blogs? H.P. must have guided me?Just celebrated 26 years.ODAT Denise F.
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