FELLOW TRAVELER

I HAVE NO BUSINESS..........

I have no business being in a relationship. I'm new in my recovery, & I'm still raw from my last relationship. From that one, I have learned to set some internal boundaries, & that's a good thing. Well, not the last one, that was just recent & it didn't last very long. I mean the last meaningful one, the one before the last. This last one I knew was doomed because neither one of us are relationship material, & he's into 'friends with benefits', I wish I could be, but I'm not into that, somehow it lacks substance. & passion. It leaves me with feeling cheated somehow. I hope I've learned from this one too. I didn't even want to get into a relationship, because I knew I would either sabotage it, or he wouldn't go very far with me, you know, not commit. It was both of us. I have preconceptual ideas about relationships that are not healthy, they come from childhood, & my past relatinships. That's not fair to the one I'm with, or me for that matter, and my heart just wasn't in it, it wasn't available. But I was willing to give it a try. Who knows what can happen in time, & with good communication, & we didn't have that. I hope I'm not blaming him, I definately have a part in it. It's like, I'll sabotage it before I give you a chance to hurt me, or better said, before i get to that place where you can. So, another failed relationship, even if it wasn't really, it still failed. I'm tired of this shit. I can do something to change it though. I can change my attitude about relationships & men in general, I can change my perspective, I can change me, I can be more loving & tolerant, but wait a minute, I have in the past been very tolerant, I was tolerant of abuse. Not that I was in this one, I wasn't, he was very loving & kind. Oh well, you live & you learn....hopefully. Have a good one.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 2:39 PM