EARLY SOBRIETY.....
My friend who is in deep trouble isn't reaching out for help. She's called me a couple of times, but didn't stay on the phone long. She is still using, which baffles even me, an alcoholic. After what happened I would sure think she'd have quit. But, it takes what it takes, man, this disease is truly a killer!! I hate it!! I've had to work on not being down about it. It's not mine.This morning's topic was on anger, out of As Bill Sees It. Seems to me, I wasn't angry, I went into rage. It would come out of the blue. Or I would cry from the depths of my soul, & they both were uncontrollable. I was very sellf destructive, was always hurting myself, or I would find someone to hurt me, & sometimes I'd go into deep depressions, & sellf pity, that was like quick sand, I about didn't get out, more than once. I couldn't function, the depressions were so bad. Friends would have to clean my house for me. I was so vulnerabe, & needy, & I had deep seated fears, & resentments. I was hyper sensitive, & full of self pity. I was this way in early sobriety. It took going to meetings & sharing, it took praying, it took working the steps, & getting into service work to get me out of myself. I had to do baby steps. I faced & went thru alot of those fears, & with that became less sensitive, & got a little peace, got out of myself little by little. I was truly insane in early sobriety. It took time for me to reach out, that was the thing, I had to reach out for help, I had to learn to help myself, ever so slightly, then I got the help. When someone reaches out, the hand of AA is there. And it was, still is, but I have to do my part. I heard an analogy yesterday. It goes like this. Say you're on the Titanic, & of course it sinks. You've got people out in the water, some are dog paddling around, & some have their hand stretched out for help. Who are you going to help first? I did my share of dogpaddling. My hand is out there for help, but it's also out there TO help. That's the way it works. We have to be helped before we can help, we have to help to be helped. Another one of those paradoxes, I love 'em. Want to know how I helped in the beginning? I'll tell you, I didn't think I could help anybody, I didn't have anything to give. Well, people in the program told me I had my story,,,,share it. I started out by doing that, later came strength & hope.
Hope you had a good week end. I had a busy one. I'm behind on my housework, but not cause of depression, cause I'm busy What a wonderful difference.
Labels: AA, early sobriety
posted by sharonsjourney @ 8:50 PM
4 Comments:
you really have come far. you should be proud of yourself!
Like your Titanic analogy. This dis-ease is mind blowing at times. To watch others suffer when you know there is an easier softer way. But they can't get it till they can get it. Till then we keep praying for them.
Happy Monday!
Sharon said...
Gosh, isn't it great to be able to face our worst selves and come out loving us anyways? I do look forward to doing my 4th and 5fth steps, and the freedom that will come afterwards.
Dear Sharon (LUSHGIRL)
PSCCHIATRIST PHONE:
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are an alcoholic, please press 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.
If you are anal retentive, please hold.
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
Sharon said...
Gosh, isn't it great to be able to face our worst selves and come out loving us anyways? I do look forward to doing my 4th and 5fth steps, and the freedom that will come afterwards.
Dear Sharon (LUSHGIRL)
PSCCHIATRIST PHONE:
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are an alcoholic, please press 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.
If you are anal retentive, please hold.
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
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