AS A CHILD......
When I was visiting my aunt she told me I was a little adult when I was a child, that I was very responsable. I took care of my sister & brother alot, & I did my mom & dad too, when they'd come home drunk, or I would try to settle their fights. Then later, I married & took care of my husband. He & I drank & drugged together, but I had to be the responsable one. He is schizophrenic also, & wasn't on meds for it. Well, later I fell to pieces. As my alcoholism progressed, I got worse, then I got into drugs, especially meth for some years. I didn't drink much during that time. When I quit, due to illness, I had to quit & go under a dr's. care. I went right back to drinking, I picked up where I had left off, or worse. It is in sobriety I am learning to be responsable again, & it feels good, I like being responsable. I keep my apt. clean, I keep myself clean, I pay my bills. I hadn't thot about that for awhile....when I was a kid, but I used to joke about how I was more grown up when I was a kid, than as a grown up. It baffled me. That was when I was in denial about my alcoholism. I couldn't figure out why I had gotten so irresponsable, & childish. My maturation stopped at about the age of 12. I don't blame my parents anymore, my mom was alcoholic too, & my dad was codependent as hell. She was the one out of control, he was just trying to cope. He was crazy about her. Just to let you know a little bit more about myself. My aunt also said I was timid, & tender, that I tried to please everyone. That was for survival. If I pleased my parents, especially, I survived. So I was a people pleaser at a very young age. That's a hard one to quit. I've come a long ways tho. I please people today only when I want to....most of the time. I do have my slips tho.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 12:23 AM
8 Comments:
hey! it's tough being a child in an alcoholic home. your behaviour (the little grown up) is typical behaviour of the child of an alcoholic. i guess sometime in our lives we reckon enough is enough and we break out, break free, and when i did that, i delved into irrisponsibility through alcohol... bad choice i made there. but thankful we all 'wake up' somewhere along the line.
thanks for your story there and good luck! and it sounds like you've got a handle on it!
hey! i've enabled comment moderation on my blog now, cause this micky is awfully annoying. way way pushy! i see he's been around a bit....
Holy cow! I get myself a job and look what happens...
This post was particularly touching to me, as I have spent the greater part of my adulthood trying to recover from my childhood!
As Shadow said, we all must take on certain roles as a child of an alcoholic. I know for me, I used to play with/read/distract my baby sister when my father was raging (beating my mom). As a result my sister has no memory of any of the scary stuff that went on, nor was she ever afraid of my father when he was drunk. She did however, become an over-achiever to the max!
Me? I pretty much followed in the alcoholic footsteps, but I also grew into a very timid, shy little gurl, who didn't ever want to be noticed for fear of (angry) people.
I love how you have learned to only please people when you choose it... I hope you always please YOU first!
ps...be patient with me as I am learning to balance life on life's terms- how the heck do earthlings have jobs, friends, social lives & manage to keep house and all that happy crap! LOL
LOVE AND MISS YOU TOOOOOO
Wonderful insight here darlin'.
I find that most alcoholics are extremely tender hearted. There is a much happier life for you, right around the bend. Keep trusting this process!! Excellent post.
Hi Sharron,
I had quite the oposite, both my mum and dad rarely drank owt and I always think of my younger years as boring, then I "discovered" drink and it not only brought me out of my shell but the shell was obliterated, I didnt do much drugs was spared of anything but cannabis but did drift into solvents for a bit unitl I got burned.
Three years sober now and yes they have been the best, I still take the old ADPs but I think if i come off them I could wind up back drinking and while Im stable I dont wanna change a working formula.
Its good to hear from you Sharron
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Thank you for sharing, Sharon. Wish you all the best. As Shadow said, thankful we all 'wake up' somewhere along the line.
Greetings and lotta loves from Malaysia.
The twists alcoholism plays on us. How one persons drinking effects everyone around them. I understand the craziness you share about. COMPLETELY :)
Happy Tuesay Fellow Traveler
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