OUR DISEASE.....
By telling you about how alcoholism effected me, doesn't mean I don't take responsibility for my active alcoholism's effect on others, especially my family. I lied to them, I stole from them, I worried them sick, i really hurt them in a big way. I'm cleaning that up today, I made amends, & am living a sober life. They trust me again, & it took awhile, understandably so. Some wrongs I can never right. Some people died before I got sober, my dad, for one, my brother died before I had a chance to make amends to him, I was in early recovery. My sister, when I made amends said, "Sharon, look at how much you hurt yourself." My mom said all she wanted for me was to get my life straightened out, & to be happy. I expressed my regret to my brother, & he said pretty much the same things. They all forgave me. But that wasn't why, or at least all of why I made the amends, I truly was sorry, & regretted what I did, & said to them. I owned my stuff, & hope I continue to do so.I've been depressed the last few days, for one, a friend of mine is in trouble, & I can't do anything to help her. Her disease got her into alot of trouble, & I can't get her out. I feel helpless, & am powerless. All I can do is be a friend. She has to do the hard part.
I am so grateful to be sober, I am grateful for my friends in the program, I am grateful for my family, I am grateful for my Higher Power, who today I will call God. I am grateful for waking up this morning.
Shadow, I will do that what you tagged me for on my next post. I haven't felt up to it. I'm doing ok tho, considering what's been going on. About 6 of my friends have gone back out. Is it a full moon? What the hell is going on? This has been a bad month! One of them is in treatment now, one is in deep trouble, & 2 have come back in. One lost her job, & is close to loosing her apt. I do believe it does get worse, it did for me, health wise. I've seen it happen over & over, in some way, it gets worse. I, myself have serious health problems as a consequence of relapsing. And I lost my true love. Hang in there, & don't drink/drug for today. I love you all.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 6:57 PM
12 Comments:
hey! it's terrible to feel helpless when you want to help others, but some things they need to do for themselves. all you can do is be their friend and listen and simply be there. i hope you feel better soon.
lotsa hugs...
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I am so sorry you got Mickied! Ugh!
Just remember when feeling depressed ~ it WILL pass. Either with time or help from your doctor but most importantly with the Steps.
Happy Thurdsay~
I am so sorry about your friends, one of my friends died before I gave up drink, it was part of the reason I sought help when I did.
I keep trying to help JMD but he is not really responding, he turns up to meetings drunk and needs to go to the off licence after.
Another of my friends who wont go to AA has severe pancreaitis and relapsed a couple of months ago but the pain stopped him again, he wont go to AA.
Micki, Didn't you learn not to go where you're not wanted?! Please leave me alone. You need help!
Sorry you got trouble, Sharon. Just ignore it. It doesn't deserve any air time.
Thanks for your comments. I know, I should be grateful.
Wish you all the best, Sharon.
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