FELLOW TRAVELER

HONEST ABOUT WHERE I'M AT TODAY.............

Despite my wanting to roll out pretty words about the program, & teach you a few things...... I know, we're all teachers to each other, I learn so much from the fellowship. I have to be honest about where I'm at, & have been the last couple days. What my alcoholic brain is thinking. When I was drinking & newly sober I was a mess! I've come a long way, but I still have a disease that loves messing with me. I've been having feelings of insecurity. My brain was telling me that my sponsor was spending more time, & working more intently with another sponsee than me. First I was feeling insecure about that, then it turned into anger, I wanted to go straight to my sponsor & tell her about this, no actually, accuse her. Used to be I would do this, I reacted to other people's stuff, but to my owm too, however I percieved it, & do it in anger, cause I let myself get all worked up about it. This is embarrassing to admit. I didn't know what to do about it, & I stewed for a few days. I actually was in some pain about it. I wanted to do the right thing. Should I just let it go? No, because it was milling around in my head, & messing with my feelings. Should I go to my sponsor? Well, that would be going behind the sponsees' back. I didn't want to stir up trouble, I like the sponsee, we're sisters. After struggling with this a couple of days, I saw the sponsee at a meeting. So, I told her what I was going to do, & that was tell my sponsor how I felt, & what I thot, & that I thot it was unfair. She said they meet once a week just like her & I do. Anyway, we talked, then I talked about it in the meeting. As I shared, I realized how rediculous & childish I was being, everybody laughed, & I was able to laugh at myself. What a relief. I'll tell my sponsor about it. Maybe there is some other reason I was feeling so insecure, hopefully my sponsor & i will be able to figure it out, I have an idea, but I need to get it out, just like I did the other. You see, I think she's giving her more assignments, & she's moving her along faster, I want to know the reason for that. Is she working more intently with her? Why not me too? So the insecurity hasn't gone away. I'll talk it out with my Higher Power, then get a second opinion. I think that's how it works. Well, I got some of it unloaded. This is hard work, but so simple. I love the program.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 8:58 PM