I REACHED OUT.....
I did it! I reached out for help! I called another woman in the program! That's huge! I didn't sit in my shit! She helped me. I trusted another woman. Enough to call her, when I was not doing so good. I don't like for people to know when I'm not doing good. I like to be the helper. Hmmm, is that codependency? I believe so. I've been feeling disconnected, more & more, since I've been off my meds, & was trying to handle it myself, & acting 'as if' everything is just fine. Well, it hasn't been. You know what my friend said? She gave me her theory on mental illness. It's the only other disease (like alcoholism) that tells us we don't have a mental illness. If we take our meds the illness has to die, if we don't it lives. I have accepted my alcoholism, but have been struggling with my mental illness. I keep wanting to go off my meds. My illness keeps telling me I don't need them. So every so often I get rebellious & go off of them, then I pay dearly, which is what I'm doing now. I'm back on them, so I'll be ok. But why do I keep putting myself thru this? My mental illness is doing push ups, just as is my alcoholism. I was starting to think I'll never be ok, I have too many problems to overcome, too many obstacles. Well, that's where, along with the meds, the steps come in. I'm on my 4th right now, but I need to back off, cause I'm in survival mode with my mental illness. When I get that straightened out I can go back to work on my 4th step. I've been beating myself up, cause I've been avoiding my 4th. I'll do it when I'm ready. What I need to remember is, this too shall pass. I did ok for maybe 3 weeks, then I started spiraling down, & then down I went! I am grateful for my friends, I am grateful for the program, I am grateful for God, I am grateful for my sister. Those are my mainstays, to be sure. Hope you all had a good week end. Love & respect each other.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 10:19 PM
5 Comments:
hey! have a good day!!!
p.s. go to photobucket.com
Yes me too, I have bouts of severe depression but provided I keep taking citalopram it keeps it at bay, If you ask anyone who knows me they will tell you that I am prone to mental probs but alcohol and depression added to equation makes those problems all the more pronouced.
I admire you sharron, I should call for help more often, I find it really hard that one!
Sharon, I know that in order to quell anxiety, I need to take my medication. It's a small dose which is all that I need but it helps. Maybe someday, I'll be able to get off my meds but for now, I'm resigned to the fact that there are physiological reasons why I need to take them.
I applaud you for reaching out. I am very glad. It's like playing a damn head game with yourself, ain't it? That's how I have felt at time anyhow.
Keep opting to live and doing whatever it takes to do so - including working with your doctor and taking your medicine :)
Have an awesome day
And thanks for the heads up on the comment thing ;)
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