A NEW TURN.....
I've been a month without my meds, due to my not getting my papers to turn in for my coupons. I am doing ok, so I am going to stay off of them long enough to get them out of my system this time, & see how I do. I think I'll do ok this time. I don't have chaos in my life anymore, I'm not with some sick dude, messing with me. I am more at peace than I have been ever. My life is good. I've done the therapy, I'm working a program..to the best of my ability. I think I might be safe to go off of them. I want to be well. True, it scares me, it's unfamiliar, I am in new territory, but this is my journey, & I don't want to be sick for it any longer. I am not a victim anymore. I haven't been in a sick relationship since last Dec. so I think I'm ready to try something new. Like some healthy behaviors, like being responsible, creating happiness in my life. I used to think happiness came in a HIM. Turned out just the opposite was true. Until I can learn to be happy on my own, I can't be happy with another. I used to depend on someone making me happy, just the opposite would happen, because I had expectations of another to make me happy. All this time I've been on meds, I've needed them, because I've had some tragic things happen, & I was a mess, my life was a mess. I attracted messy people. I needed the meds, & they helped me thru all this stuff, but I don't think I need them anymore. We'll see. I seem to be getting more clarity, I want to see what I am like without them, now that I don't have chaos going on in my life. I've asked my friends to let me know if I seem to be getting off in lala land. I used to want to be sick, I thot it was cool, if you can believe that. I didn't want to get well, because then, I'd have to be accountable. I had an excuse, I was sick. What I was, was dishonest with myself. I am not claiming to be all well, but that is my goal. So this is a test, I will keep you tuned in how it goes. If I have to go back on them, that's ok, but I really want to give this a try. This is scary, I've been on meds for years, & I needed to be, so lets see how it goes. I trust in my God. I just need to keep the faith.
posted by sharonsjourney @ 11:48 PM
5 Comments:
Good for you Fellow Traveler. Just learned the truth tonight and I am sorry. Men suck in my opinion. Just have a hard time trusting women, but at least they are honest. I would like to go off of my meds too. Thank you.
I have been on meds a long time, & I needed them, to get thru my early sobriety. I was really a mess, I couldn't function without them. I have cleaned up at least some of my life, & gotten rid of the messy people. I have been sober 18 mos. now, after many tries. I think I am ready to give this a try. I'm going in to see my dr. about this. Due to circumstances beyond my control, i've been off of them a month now, so that's why I am trying this. Wish me luck.
:) enjoy your weekend.
I like your writing and am glad I found your blog.
My understanding of meds is that, for the addict and alchoholic, but I think more for the drug user, your brain got used to feeling good from the drugs. That is why is is hard to quit drugs. IMO, harder than alchohol. So when we tried to quit drugs the body was left with out feeling good. over time, that is the only feeling good that it wanted. So when you take that away, it triggered depression. Not a realistic depression, because the body has lost the ability to feel happy when it should have, because there was only happiness when drugs were in the picture.
So, meds are needed for many to help them to feel happy, when they are supposed to.
After being in recovery for a while it would seem to me that you should not need meds anymore if you are feeling happy when life presents those happy times and moments to you.
You may want to run this by your Doctor though because the way I am understanding this, is really superficial to some extent.
after reading this, i understand your comment re. the song...
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