FELLOW TRAVELER

TEMPORARY VS. RELATIONSHIPS

I have always been in long term relationships. My marriage lasted 6 years. I was in a relationship after that for 8 years, and one for almost 6 years. This last one lasted only 3 months, that being because he's 'not relationship material'. I wish he had told me that from the beginning, I wouldn't have bothered. I'm not a 'temporary' kind of woman. When I'm with someone, I'm involved with them, I can't hold my feelings at bay, or have that question mark over my head. Will this end today? Why bother. I have to have a commitment, that's just how it is with me. In my drinking years, I did the temporary thing. I couldn't get involved because I didn't like men, so I just satisfied myself physically, it was no more than that. Today I find that pathetic. I don't want the entree from Mcdonalds, I want the full meal deal, I want the real thing. That's the only way I can express myself freely, and trust, and be honest. Otherwise it's superficial. It's like being around AA and being involved in AA. There's a huge difference, I get so much more out of being involved, and I give so much more. I give so much more in a relationship. I have a lot to give, and that's what I want to do. There's more to a relationship than making love, that's only a small part of it. There is more to me, than my sexual self, it's expressed out of bed too, for me anyway. There's communication, laughing together, sharing and caring. Isn't there? Yes there is, I just answered my own question. There's respect for each other, as well as for ourselves. I don't want the kind that are only interested in maniputlating me into bed, that one is full of tension, and dishonesty. It's a good thing I have friends, and a life. Otherwise I might get into self pity, or blame myself for this, and go into self destruction, I do that one easily, it doesn't take much. I guess I'm not ready for a good solid relationship, but in time I will be. In the meantime, I'm not looking, right now I don't like men much....again, so I'll just stay away from them for awhile, except my brothers in recovery. That is where I go to, my brothers and sisters in recovery when I'm lonely and blue, I also go to my Higher Power. Have a good one Comments are welcomed.

posted by sharonsjourney @ 12:51 PM